Do you guys remember last year when Amy and I asked for money for our friend Yveline's nursing school? She only has one year of school left and needs $500 to pay for tuition, supplies and transportation. If any of you feel like helping her, go to https://www.extollointernational.org/donate/donation-form and type "Yveline's school" in the special instructions. Thanks!

Here's from our other blog last year when we asked for money to send her to school the second year: 
http://amyandbecca.blogspot.com/2012/01/help.html

Amy and I are in La Govnave visiting Steve. They are doing a fantastic job on the children's village (http://okipe.org/featuredprojects/  that they're building. It looks a lot different then the last time I was here. We have been having a good time bugging Steve and swimming/snorkeling, eating delicious chicken and kind of helping out. Amy cut Steve's hair and did some bookkeeping for him. I have been lazy. On Friday we watched a soccer game. The Haitian guys who work with Extollo have a soccer team and they played against a different team of guys who are working on building a new Hospital with the Wesleyan church people that are here. The game was super fun and Amy and I had fun teaching all the kids who came to watch how to cheer on Extollo. Some people on the streets even have yelled out our Extollo cheer a few days after the game. La Gonave is a small place!

 We are probably going to leave tomorrow morning to go back to Leogane.

I miss the girls. And I miss my kids at Sues. And I REALLY miss Jackson and Noah.

Amy and I are now in Leogane at the orphanage. We spent our first few days at Sue's in Christionville. I LOVED seeing those kids. They're all getting so big and they've all matured a lot. Jean is talking so much and speaking a lot of English. Jennifer's whole attitude has changed, she's so mature now!! I can tell that Peter and Claudeson are loving all the open space to run around and play in. All of the kids are. Their behavior has changed so drastically. There's far fewer fights and fits. Sue has almost a completely new staff and I really like them all. I think that helps a lot too. They are a lot more caring and kind.

The boys are getting HUGE. The woman who takes care of them now is named Nadine and I really really like her. She's so sweet with them and they love her a lot. They aren't walking yet and probably won't walk while I'm here. But they run around the "garden" (the place where all the kids play) holding onto these boxes and they say "keep keep!" like a little truck. It's great. I can't believe how much they've changed. I was worried that they wouldn't remember me but they definitely did. They cried when I put them down and always wanted me to hold them above any one else. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I really love those boys.

Amy and I have been in Leogane with the girls since Friday. They seem to be doing really well. Our friend Peggy from Samaritans purse (her husband Judd is rebuilding an orphanage close by called the Lamb Center) gave us a big box of toothbrushes to give the kids when we went to visit the other day. She fed us lunch in her air conditioned house!! Anyway, every morning I've seen the kids outside brushing their teeth. At night they all gather in their house to sing and pray with a pastor that's staying there. Then they're all ushered into their beds to fall asleep. Most other times that Amy and I have been here all the kids stay up way late and no one ever made them sleep. We've also noticed that they all sit inside to eat together and pray before they eat.

There is a new outdoor kitchen and dining area that is being built on the foundation of their old temproary house. It has a bread oven and a sink! It's not finished yet but it looks like it's going to be really nice. The dining area will have tables so all the girls can sit outside together. Anything that adds more organization to their lives makes me real excited.

Yesterday some women (one of them used to be the main caretaker of the kids) came to do a little program with the kids. When Amy and I got back from church in Grand Goave we saw all the kids sitting in their new dining area singing with pastor Kelly while these ladies were dishing up plates of rice for the kids. All the boys were there too. After the kids prayed and ate they all went into the field and the ladies played games and sang with them. It was a great party. Only and hour or two after the party the girls got their normal dinner so ALL of them were FULL!! That was the first time that Amy and I had ever heard any of the girls say that they were full.

Amy and I brought four big jars of coconut oil with us. We gave one to Sue and are giving three to the girls. Yesterday I gave all the little girls a bath and sent them over to Amy who put coconut oil all over them. Their skin looked SO good! We both had so much fun spending individual time with each of the girls and we could tell they really loved being taken care of and looking so pretty. We're going to do it again today and then take their individual photos like we always do every trip. We're also going to bring some over to the boys when we take their pictures so their skin looks nice and pretty for their pictures.

I love all these kids so much and I am so happy to be here with them. My heart is full.

Amy and I had a great experience yesterday. We took taptaps with our friends Junior and his brother Mackenson to Grand Guave in search of a church we heard of in English. We didn't find it but we found this place called Mission of Hope and went to church there. It was in Creole but we met some cool people so it was good. On our way back the taptap stopped in town and we had to walk by the place we used to buy rice and beans. I wrote about the woman Migluise who worked there. She died from heart problems a while ago and Amy and I hadn't been back to the stand where she worked. We think about her a lot and miss her. However, yesterday when we walked by her old stand her daughters were there making food again!! We sat and ate and chatted with them about their mom and life and everything. I was so happy.

Soon Amy and I are going to go to our friend Kinsey's house who died about a month ago. We made his family a photo album with all the pictures we had of him. People don't really have too many photos of themselves and I think it will be really cool to be able to give his mother a whole album of pictures of him.

We're off to visit other friends in the area today and then back to hang out with the girls again.

I love Haiti so much!

Sorry I was too lazy to rotate the pictures. 

Happy first birthday Jackson and Noah!!!

I am having a hard time still. Sometimes I pretend to be OK because it's easier. But then something randomly sets me off and I break down and can't stop crying. Sometimes the tears seem never ending.

 I see a mom with her baby and think about how lucky she is. I think about how she probably doesn't even know how lucky she really is. I see families out to lunch. They get to be together. They get to feed and love their kids every day. They get to tuck them in at night and know that their babies will be safe. 

Right now, there are so many kids I love who I don't know if they're OK. I can't make sure they're safe. I can't even make sure they've eaten today. I'm helpless to do anything this far away. 

I called the girls in Leogane the other day and learned that one of my friends Kendy died in an accident. He was only 20. It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I'm not afraid of death, really. I know that Kendy is home. He's not hungry or hurting. But why did that happen? Why is it OK that the median age in Haiti is 21. Why do people have to die from completely preventable diseases so frequently? Why do healthy young people have to die in vehicle accidents because of the horrible condition of the roads? Why can only 51% of the population read and write? Why do 80% of the popluaion live under the poverty line and 54% in abject poverty? Why are so many of Haiti's children living in less than These awful statistics and realities about Haiti bum me out a lot. It's easy to feel hopeless when there's so much crappy stuff happening.

But those things are out of my control. It's a constant struggle to remind myself to always look to God. He's the only one who is going to make a difference in anything. In hopeless situations He's the hope that I think is impossible. God is in control, I just have to let go and allow God to take care of the things he's already taking care of in my life and in the lives of the ones I love.

Sometimes my efforts seem silly. Sometimes I feel like no one is getting anything done at all. But it's simply not true. There are so many people doing so much good in Haiti. No one has everything all figured out. No one does it perfectly. But that's not my calling as a Christian. We're not called to be perfect. We're called to get up and try. And that's what I'm doing.

As you all know, I am a big fan of the work of Extollo (http://www.extollointernational.org/). Amy and I decided to help fund raise for them. The best idea we came up with is doing a fundraiser by running a 5k.  Let me just tell you that I do NOT run. The last time I tried running I threw up in someones front yard maybe three blocks from my house. That was a while ago. So Amy and I are getting up off the couch and training. If running around the block caused me to throw up, a 5k seems impossible... But we're up for the challenge! It will motivate us big time if you guys are willing to help us out by donating to Extollo. All you have to do is go to their website (posted above), click on the donation form, and type "Becca and Amy 5k" in the special instructions box. Our run is scheduled for November 18th so donate before that! Thanks for your support people!

Also, Amy and I are leaving for Haiti this Saturday and we're so excited! I can't wait to be speaking Creole, holding the kids I love, eating beans and rice and being back in that lovely country!! I'll try and keep my blog somewhat updated while I'm there. 

I bought a ticket to Haiti! I'm going to go back for a visit in September. I'll be there for Jackson and Noah's first birthday. Hard to believe they're so old!! I'll be in Haiti for a whole month. I can't wait!

I still cry every day because I miss those kids. But it's been so good to have Mallorie (http://wanderingwithapurpose.wordpress.com/) to communicate with. I can check in on the kids and see pictures of how big the kids are getting:

Michaelle

Jean and Francesca

I want to be loving this crying baby!!!!! :(

Noah

Jackson

Betchina, Juliette, Bebej

Jean, Mislanda, Francesca

Sue and the graduating kindergartner's Juliette and Betchina! So sad I missed this.

They went to a fancy beach!

I really really really miss these kids.. 

We're also going to be in Haiti during Charlie's birthday too! He'll be THREE! 

Baby Charlie with me, his "Auntie Kaka" (how he pronounces Auntie Becca)

It's amazing how much I miss those kids. I can't believe that I've been away from them for so long. It seems impossible to wait much longer to see them again. But I'm waiting... I am trying to make plans to go back for a month long visit in September (in time to see Jackson and Noah turn one!! Ah!!) But September feels so far away. I just keep thinking that I'll be able to make it through as long as I have a visit planned even if it seems to be a long wait. It will feel so good to  have a plane ticket purchased so that I have assurance that I WILL be there to hug and kiss all those kids again!

As for my time at home... It's been bitter sweet. Not one minute goes by where I don't think of Jackson and Noah and the other kids. If for one second I do get distracted and forget, it makes it worse when I remember. I don't ever want to forget the time I had with those kids. It was amazing. It was hard. And I am thankful for it. I miss it a lot but it has been good to be home. It's been amazing to be able to spend time with so many of the people that love and support me. Although my heart will never leave Haiti, I don't think it will ever leave home either... I think my transition home would have been a whole lot harder if I hadn't come home to such loving and caring friends and family. I'm lucky to have come home to people who care and are willing to wipe my tear when I miss the kids and who let me talk excessively about Haiti and who look through my endless pictures of sleeping babies and jump roping kids. I'm a very lucky and grateful girl!

It's comfortable here. Things that were hard in Haiti are not hard here. Laundry is easy. I get to sleep whenever I want. I get to eat whenever I want. I get to chose my own schedule instead of 18 small children choosing it for me. Life is comfortable here. But not. Not now. Sometimes I think about how easy it was to accept and enjoy all the comforts of the United States BEFORE I took my first trip to Haiti. That first trip in the Summer of 2010 changed my life. I think about things differently now. Especially after being in Haiti for nine months. After falling so in love with 19 precious children and living life with them. I learned a lot from those kids. They taught me about love, joy, and unwavering faith. I'm a changed person and wont' ever look at things the same way again. I think about things I didn't think about before. I make decisions differently. I care about different things. I think these are all changes for the good. I thank God for the awesome opportunity to fall in love with Haiti and the people who live there. All the love I gave and received and still am giving and receiving is well worth the heart ache of being away. I wouldn't trade my time there for anything. Mwen renmen Ayiti!!

Disclaimer: This is a very scattered blog post. But my brain is very scattered right now. So Please forgive me. It's the best I could do.

My time in Haiti has come to an end. At least for now. My "plan" is to be home for a little bit. I will probably be staying in the Sates for a year to live with my best friend who is also coming home. I may have to learn to live with just visits to Haiti for the next year. I hope and pray that those visits can come often because it's killing me to be away. After a year, I pray that God will show me where to go. I'd love to go back to Haiti. I miss all the people I met there and grew to love and I miss the culture in general. I can't believe that after raising those precious boys for nine months that I had to leave them. I hate that all those kids and I were a part of each other's day for almost 9 months and now it's over. But it is what it is. This has been the plan all along and it's happening whether I like it or not.

Even though I miss those kids, being back has been good. I've actually taken it a lot better than I thought I would. I thought I'd be in tears the whole time. But I haven't been. I miss those kids and life in Haiti but it's been really good to spend time with my mom and others that I love at home. It breaks my heart to want to be two places at once. It's helped to have all the comforts and convenience of life in the States too. It's amazing how much I took for granted before. I'm living life through a new lens now. When I was in Haiti, life was harder in a lot of ways. I looked back through my journal entries and I was always complaining of a stomach ache, bug bites or other physical ailments. It was hot. I was exhausted a lot of the time. I was never alone. Here at home, those things aren't affecting me. There's almost always a quick and easy solution to the problems I have here in the States. It's convenient.

Another thing that is throwing me off is that I am just myself here. I only have me to take care of. Before, I was always on duty for caring for 18 other little humans. I was especially in charge of making sure nothing happened to the boys. Here, I don't have to keep one eye and ear open all the time for crying kids. I don't have to get up in the night to take care of sick kids or babies. I don't have to wake up early in the morning to giggles or screams of all the kids. Here, I can sleep in and be by myself and eat whatever I want whenever I want. But I'm not sure I love it... There are no words to describe how much I miss those kids. I miss the hugs and kisses. I miss teaching. I miss rocking those sweet babies to sleep. I miss kissing Jackson and Noah's fat cheeks. I miss giving them baths every night. I miss playing uno over and over again with the kids. I miss watching and helping Peter and Michaelle learn. I miss it. I miss Haiti. I miss those kids.

Living in Haiti was not easy, but it was so rewarding. It was not at all what I expected. The struggles and rewards were different than I thought they would be.

Life in Haiti was hard for me because I was isolated within the four walls of our yard. Whenever I had been to Haiti before, I was used to being out in the community and talking with everyone, using public transport, and probably being unsafe a lot of times. At Sues, things were safe and contained. Before I went to Haiti, I didn't expect that to even be an issue. If anything, I would have thought that I would be more stressed from not feeling safe. Instead, the stress came from being cooped up. I didn't really have choices when I was there. Things were chosen for me. What I ate, when I ate it, when I slept, how long I slept, and personal space was not a thing. Those were things that I wasn't used to. And it was hard. I was running on little sleep and different food and sometimes I was hungry but couldn't eat because it wasn't meal time yet. I had communication with loved ones at home but it was limited. That added to the isolation. I never went out of the gates and so my friends were limited to children under 11 and the few workers who came in and out throughout the month. Being isolated was something that really stressed me out.

I think that God used that struggle to show me something. Through that, God taught me how I can be strong and live through situations even though I didn't think I could some days. I was challenged in a way that I didn't expect and I think God used it for good. I now realize how adaptable God created me as a human. I think that if I was pushed in ways that I expected, I wouldn't have learned what I did. I'm glad that it wasn't all fun and easy while I was there. I had to work hard to be loving and grateful for where I was and what I was doing even though it was difficult at times. I learned that just moving to Haiti wasn't enough. I had to be loving, caring, patient, and joyful in ALL situations. I really had to work on that. It's easy to be loving and patient when everyone is doing the same for you. But I lived with kids. They aren't always loving, kind and grateful. Kids can be cruel sometimes! That made me need to work harder to act how God wanted me to act. I got through the days that were hard, and I tried to act how God wanted me to. And on the days that were easy, I was grateful. Those were the days that made it all worth it.

I learned that sacrifice doesn't mean moving to Haiti, a place I love, but living fully in ways that God wanted me to even when it wasn't fun and easy. Sacrifice for me meant showing God's love through my actions even when I got no thanks. It's easy to love life and everyone around you when everything is perfect. Life in Haiti wasn't perfect for me. But I had to learn to be thankful and loving even in the situations that weren't perfect.

I learned so much on my trip. I've loved and lived like I never have before. I got to be things I've never been before.

I was a teacher.

I was a big sister.

I was a mom.

I felt a deeper love than I have ever experienced before because God brought those beautiful baby boys into my life. I'm grateful for that. I am so thankful that God put me in Haiti at the perfect time to take Jackson and Noah into a safe home. Although it is so painful to be away from them, I just hope that this is all in God's plan. I hope that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I am having to learn to let God be their Papa and take care of them. I have to let go and let Him protect them now. He knew them before anyone else did and loves them more than I do. It was something I hadn't thought about until now. Now that I'm not there to be their protector and caretaker. My turn to be their mommy is over. I have to let others do that for them now. I'm so thankful for the time I had with them. I know I will be in their lives forever but it's a hard transition as my role in their lives changes.

I miss those kids.

Yesterday Amy and I headed home from La Gonave. It was  TIRING day. First off, the boat ride was insane. It was a very windy day. So windy in fact, that only a few of the many usual boats were going over. Amy and I took a very packed ferry boat. Everyone was very scared. Almost everyone on the boat was praying out loud or singing. One guy came around and was preaching to people to accept Jesus into their hearts. Amy and I weren't scared of sinking or anything but I got soooo sea sick. I threw up six times over the side of the boat. NOT FUN. I wasn't sitting with Amy (She was busy literally holding a grown woman and singing to her because the woman was so scared). Although it was an awful experience, it had some lovely parts to it. I luckily was sitting on the very back of the boat so I didn't have to worry about accidently vomiting on someones shoes or something. I was sitting in between two lovely woman who helped me out so much. The woman on my right had her hand on my knee the whole time to comfort me. Everyone sitting around me seemed concerned and were helping out too. One man bought me some water. The woman sitting on my left held my legs in the boat every time I leaned over the side to be sick. They held my bags and poured water on my head and washed my face for me. In between the awful moments of hanging over the side of the boat I was so grateful to be in Haiti around Haitians. Every person on the boat that day reminded me so much of how I think Jesus would have acted. People all over were taking care of each other. Amy was holding that terrified woman and singing songs to her, woman were washing my face for me, people were praying for each other. One man on the boat was obviously homeless and so many people on the boat gave him little bits of whatever they had, food, water, money. I see a lot of crappy stuff happen here in Haiti, but I also see some pretty awesome stuff too. Yesterday on the boat made me feel good about being a part of the human race. We were all family on that boat that day. Taking care of each other. I am thankful for moments like those.

Within an hour of stepping off the boat I felt better. Amy and went to do stuff around Port au Prince. We found this shop to make t-shirts and each made a shirt with the Haiti flag on it for seven bucks. Pretty excited for that. We also had to pass by my old house to get to where we were going. It was really sad for me when we passed by on our way to La Gonave. I hated being so close to those kids but not getting to hold them. This time as we were passing Amy said, "why don't we just go. You can go give your boys a kiss and hold them like you want." I had my mind set on leaving only one time and saying goodbye one time. But the moment Amy said that I though "jeez, why not?" Of course I couldn't stop crying. I walked in the gate and went over to my boys. I squeezed Noah so hard. Jackson was alseep in someones arms but I held him too. I couldn't stop crying. The other kids were a little thrown off but happy to see me. I just kept kissing them and getting my tears on their faces. It was really hard to just be there for such a short time but I am so glad I got to kiss their faces one last time. I guess I need to start getting used to saying "hello" AND "goodbye." Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Today, Amy and I got to go to the beach with some of the older girls and boys in the orphange. It was a short time but I think the kids had fun.

Amy and I are leaving so soon! Only a few more days. I know I say this every time but I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! CRAZY!!! I don't want to go but I am looking forward to hugging my mom, icee's, my cozy bed, warm showers, and salsa.

Quick update:

Amy and I are in La Gonave with the Extollo team, having a wonderful time! Sherman (Big boss of Extollo) and some others are here visiting as well. The more the merrier! We're staying on their work site in the new house (not quite finished) which will be their guest house. Amy and I have been doing some jobs for the boys like we always do (organizing, cleaning, building rookie shelves for kitchen items etc.) It's been a good time. It's our last night and Amy and I aren't ready to leave yet! Early tomorrow morning we're heading back to the mainland so I'll be spending the last few days in Haiti with the girls in Leogane. I'm happy about that.

Still feels not real that I'm leaving Haiti in a few short days. Not quite sure how I feel about it. I'm really going to miss it here. I miss my boys and the rest of those kids in Bon Repos more than I thought was possible. I'm so thankful Amy has been here to help me through the crazy feelings. But I'm here and I'm okay. Day by day.

Still in Leogane hanging out with the girls. Things have been good. Yesterday we went to hang out with our friend Megan from Respire Haiti  (here's her blog: http://blessedwithaburden.wordpress.com/) We also got to see our other white friend Brian who lives in Leogane as well as visit one of the older girls who left the orphanage.

It's been so good to be in Leogane. People know us here and we always run into friends when ever we walk around. Yesterday Amy and I needed to take a moto somewhere and we were a little nervous to go. We flagged one down and got on. The driver turned out to be one of our really good friend's older brother and he knew who we were. Gotta love Leogane!!

Today, our friend Junior who lives in the villiage next door got baptized and we got to go watch. We met at the church and walked for a LONG time to a little river. It was quite lovely. We went home to take a nap then went back to Junior's house where his mom made us lunch.

We are going over to the island of La Gonave again for a few days on Tuesday. I'm going to try and find some ground beef to bring so that Steve (white friend who lives on the island) can make us some American food.

I can't believe how soon I'll be going back to the U.S. It still doesn't seem real to me!!

Amy arrived safely in Haiti and came to my house to stay for the night. The next day we headed off to La Gonave (where Extollo is building) and I had to say my final goodbyes to the kids. It was really emotional and I cried of course. I really fell in love with all those kids. I miss the craziness of that house!

I got sick the day before I left Sue's (of course). I was worried to get on a boat (to the island of La Gonave) with no bathroom!! But I did it and I made it without too much trouble. It took a few days of laying in bed but I got better.

Now I'm in Leogane which has been lovely. It's been good being with all these sweet kids that made me fall in love with Haiti in the first place. A lot of the older girls are gone which is kind of sad. But from what I know, they are all in safe places and are happy. That makes me happy too. But I sure do miss them! There's a lot of new little girls at the orphange too. Right now, there's some sort of flu going around and about 8 of the girls are throwing up and have fevers. Please be praying for them! Tchaly has had a pretty high fever for a few days which is worrysome because he's had fever related seizures in the past.

When Amy and I first arrived in Leogane I was telling Amy that I hoped that the living situation wasn't extremely comfortable. I wanted to have something to look forward to when I returned to the United States. A part of me wanted things to be really hard for me at the end of my stay here so I could be somewhat excited to go back home. So I guess God does listen because things did go kind of crazy! The container that Amy and I are staying in has been having all sorts of problems. It didn't have lights for a long time and there are no windows. The water wasn't working. Our generator ran out of gas and there was no gas to be found in all of Leogange for a few days. Anway, Amy says it's my fault for wishing it. Whoops!! I don't think God accepts takebacks.... ;)

Probably won't be able to update until I get home because of limited access to internet.

Orevwa!!

Tomorrow's the day. I can't believe I'm leaving. I'm getting picked up at eight in the morning. Mallorie made me the BEST goodbye video ever with all the kids singing and saying "orevwa." I cried and laughed real hard watching it tonight with all the kids before bed. When I can figure out how to get it from Mallorie's computer I'll have to put it up on the blog. It's so sweet.

Amy came today and will be sleeping at my house. She came bearing a goodbye gift for me to share with the kids!

We're eating it for breakfast tomorrow :)

I love all these kids so much and it's going to be hard to be apart from them. I can't wait to come back to see them all and I hope it's sooon!!!