In the Summer of 2010 I was one of many lucky people who had the opportunity to take a short trip to Haiti. I fell almost instantly in love and just can't keep myself away. I've spent about 11 months in Haiti since the first time I went two and a half years ago and my time there isn't over. I'm exploring my options on where to take my life from here but it WILL include Haiti in one form or another. This is where I record stories and thoughts about my experiences.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I am having a hard time still. Sometimes I pretend to be OK because it's easier. But then something randomly sets me off and I break down and can't stop crying. Sometimes the tears seem never ending.

 I see a mom with her baby and think about how lucky she is. I think about how she probably doesn't even know how lucky she really is. I see families out to lunch. They get to be together. They get to feed and love their kids every day. They get to tuck them in at night and know that their babies will be safe. 

Right now, there are so many kids I love who I don't know if they're OK. I can't make sure they're safe. I can't even make sure they've eaten today. I'm helpless to do anything this far away. 

I called the girls in Leogane the other day and learned that one of my friends Kendy died in an accident. He was only 20. It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I'm not afraid of death, really. I know that Kendy is home. He's not hungry or hurting. But why did that happen? Why is it OK that the median age in Haiti is 21. Why do people have to die from completely preventable diseases so frequently? Why do healthy young people have to die in vehicle accidents because of the horrible condition of the roads? Why can only 51% of the population read and write? Why do 80% of the popluaion live under the poverty line and 54% in abject poverty? Why are so many of Haiti's children living in less than These awful statistics and realities about Haiti bum me out a lot. It's easy to feel hopeless when there's so much crappy stuff happening.

But those things are out of my control. It's a constant struggle to remind myself to always look to God. He's the only one who is going to make a difference in anything. In hopeless situations He's the hope that I think is impossible. God is in control, I just have to let go and allow God to take care of the things he's already taking care of in my life and in the lives of the ones I love.

Sometimes my efforts seem silly. Sometimes I feel like no one is getting anything done at all. But it's simply not true. There are so many people doing so much good in Haiti. No one has everything all figured out. No one does it perfectly. But that's not my calling as a Christian. We're not called to be perfect. We're called to get up and try. And that's what I'm doing.

As you all know, I am a big fan of the work of Extollo ( Amy and I decided to help fund raise for them. The best idea we came up with is doing a fundraiser by running a 5k.  Let me just tell you that I do NOT run. The last time I tried running I threw up in someones front yard maybe three blocks from my house. That was a while ago. So Amy and I are getting up off the couch and training. If running around the block caused me to throw up, a 5k seems impossible... But we're up for the challenge! It will motivate us big time if you guys are willing to help us out by donating to Extollo. All you have to do is go to their website (posted above), click on the donation form, and type "Becca and Amy 5k" in the special instructions box. Our run is scheduled for November 18th so donate before that! Thanks for your support people!

Also, Amy and I are leaving for Haiti this Saturday and we're so excited! I can't wait to be speaking Creole, holding the kids I love, eating beans and rice and being back in that lovely country!! I'll try and keep my blog somewhat updated while I'm there. 

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